Scripture: Acts 16:29-34

What we are doing today is a little different. My name is Tevis and I’m the executive pastor with Newark Naz and Jenn is our children’s pastor. She works with kids ages infant – 6th. One of my responsibilities lately has been working with our teens in student community. Jenn and I have been working together for a few months now trying to create more of a partnership with families to lead kids and teens into a growing relationship with Christ.

Bigger than a partnership with families is our desire for us as a faith community to understand what it means for us to be family. (redefining what family is.)

Before we get to that, read Scripture. (Background: Two Christ followers, Paul and Silas healed a girl, and the people in the city got upset so they had Paul and Silas beaten and placed in prison. While they are in prison in the midst of this crazy painful circumstance they begin to pray and sing. All of a sudden there is this massive earthquake and all the doors in the jail fly open and the chains fall off. The jailer assumes everyone is going to escape and realizes what that means for his career – short lived. But no one escaped.)

29-31 The jailer got a torch and ran inside. Badly shaken, he collapsed in front of Paul and Silas. He led them out of the jail and asked, "Sirs, what do I have to do to be saved, to really live?" They said, "Put your entire trust in the Master Jesus. Then you'll live as you were meant to live—and everyone in your house included!"

32-34 They went on to spell out in detail the story of the Master—the entire family got in on this part. They never did get to bed that night. The jailer made them feel at home, dressed their wounds, and then—he couldn't wait till morning!—was baptized, he and everyone in his family. There in his home, he had food set out for a festive meal. It was a night to remember: He and his entire family had put their trust in God; everyone in the house was in on the celebration.

How does an entire household trust God? (This Scripture has always been interesting to me. This isn’t the only place that something like this takes place. Just in the book of Acts you can find this sort of thing in Acts 10 and 18. How does an entire family or household trust God.)

What do you picture when you hear the words family or household?

Pictures of Families Today:

• Home Improvement – traditional family – Tim Allen, toolman
• Brady Bunch – two families that are joined
• Two and a Half Men – two men who are brothers (one separated) raising a child
• Friends – living together, that is their family
• Family Guy – for those who feel like family seems a little crazy
• Full House – a father with three girls, wife died, but brother in law, best friend move in and help raise the kids. Brother in law and his wife have twins. All live in the same household. A little like what a household would have looked like in Acts.

We often picture what we think of when we hear household/family. The family/household in Acts was quite different. When we talk about a household in Scripture, we need to understand that…

Families lived in community.

There were 50-100 people in average household. Today the average household is 2.6.

The family functioned separate from society. In this society you didn’t have a post office, a public school system, hospitals, or nursing homes. Your household was responsible to deliver your own mail, to teach your children, to care for the elderly, and to care for the sick.

The family or ancient household was the primary place where work was done. It wasn’t a place to escape from work. Your family contained the people you worked beside. You and your spouse operated your household business together. You didn’t have daycare because there was a built in system to help raise kids – other families, grandparents, uncles, aunts, big brothers and sisters.

These families/household lived in community. It was where you did life together. Ultimately, your family or household often determined your faith. Picture this. In an ancient household, your family included a group of people of all ages living together, caring for each other, and building into the lives of others. This group would be building into your life and into your kid’s life. They would be influencing your faith and your kid’s faith.

Families in this culture were unlike families today. In fact, what families often need today is family. They need to be surrounded by people who are caring for them, building into them, building into their kids, doing life with them.

When we speak of family ministry, it is not a ministry for the traditional family with kids. If you are serious about family ministry, it means that we are family. We function as family.

I believe we often forget about the importance of family in shaping people’s lives, especially the area of spiritual or faith development.

Lutheran Study

A few years ago, there was a study done by the Lutheran denomination to determine some of the most important factors leading to individuals to have a faith that lasts past graduation. They were concerned due to the high percentage of students who would leave the church after graduation. The study showed 8 important factors in helping students to have a faith that lasts.

One of the top 3 factors was that every student had 3 or more adult mentors who took an active interest in their spiritual lives. This would have naturally taken place in an ancient household. It wasn’t just a parent and it wasn’t a program. 50-100 people…

Study Results (http://www.exemplarym.com/docs.htm to download study)

1. Faith was integrated in family identity and practice. In other words, students saw their parents live out their faith in ALL areas of their lives, not just at church.
2. Each one had three or more adult mentors who took an active interest in their spiritual lives
3. They were given regular, ongoing opportunities for service to the world
4. Students had opportunities for apprenticeships into leadership positions within the local congregation
5. Students had supportive, relevant, engaging congregations who understood and sought to meet the needs of students
6. Churches had excellent youth ministries
7. Students were encouraged by their Christian friends 8. Students had Christian community support during a personal crisis

Illustration: As a youth pastor, I would often tell teenagers, “You become like the people you hang with.” The people that you spend your time with and that surround you will influence the kind of person you become.

Illustration: My two year old daughter, Megan, was with her mom at the store a couple of weeks ago. While they were shopping, there was another little girl shopping with her mom. The other little girl waved at Megan, and my wife said, “Megan, that girl waved at you.” Megan said, “Yes. She is my best friend.”

I often think that we don’t grasp the importance of who we choose as our best friends. We don’t understand the importance of who is building into our lives as well as our kid’s lives and the importance of being intentional about this. Jenn and I are not saying that we have all the answers as parents or pastors, but we do believe there are some key questions we must ask.

Who is building into your life? What we are talking about today isn’t just about kids. It is also about you. Who are you surrounding yourself with? You become like the people you hang with, the people you spend time with. You must be intentional about who is building into your life.

Who is building into the lives of your kids?

It is so important for our kids to be surrounded by people of all ages on this faith journey to build into our kid’s lives. Because many of us don’t live in a family that is like an ancient household, we must be intentional about who is building into our kid’s lives.

Even in my own family situation, we don’t have a lot of extended family and the extended family that my kids do have live a few hours away. So I have started asking myself who can I intentionally surround my kids with to build into their lives spiritually?

Illustration - pictures:

• Bill and Pat Weaver – camping together this past summer, Bill riding bike with Brendon.
• Steve and Karen Lemasters – my son actually called Steve up a couple of weeks ago and asked him if they could schedule a time for lunch.
• George and Rhoda Antrim – influence can be a little wild sometimes (picture of Brendon on motorcycle).
• Wes and Lenore Humble – as a staff live in community, we have been intentional about times for kids to spend with Wes and Lenore. Wes was even able to show up at Brendon’s preschool on special friend day.
• Young adults – like big brothers and big sisters to my kids. Spend time with them, have them over to my house, went bowling, benefit - Sarah and Megan – funny faces.

My kids are able to see these individuals pray and strive to live out what it means to follow Christ.

• Some people picture a small group to be a group where you have to do a Bible study every time which can be really hard to do with kids. You may have to have childcare so they don’t even join a group.
• We are now a part of a small group that just started a few months ago. There are 6 families. We have 12 kids of all ages from 6 months to teenagers all in one house which makes things interesting at times. But we have decided we need to be intentional about surround ourselves and our kids with a group of people that our kids see us do life with. They see this group of people pray together, read Scripture together, and serve together. They have a group of people caring for them.
• That means we have to be intentional about our time together, things that we do to help our kids learn the stories of Scripture, and there may be times when things don’t go as planned, but that is okay. There are also times when we do things just as couples, and someone does watch our kids.
• Megan’s bday weekend – grandparents canceled on Friday night, Megan had said that she was excited about spending her day with all her friends at the party, called two families from small group and asked if they were able to come and be family.

We must be intentional about who is building into our lives and the lives of our kids.

That we and our kids have spiritual grandparents, aunts/uncles, and big brothers and sisters.

In our nursery, Kid City, and Student Community, we are trying to be intentional about surrounding your kids with people who care for them. We want to partner with you. We are trying to have events like family ice skating where we bring families together (e.g. Merge – table leaders of different ages/walks of life/families connecting, upcoming events).

Who are you building into? (Who are you investing in?)

Stories: kids – who need mentors who take time to have ice cream with them or go to a game, spiritual parents including grandparents, uncles/aunts, big brothers/sisters (some without a parent); young couples/newly married couples/young parents – individuals who need wisdom and guidance from other couples (e.g. older couples, empty nesters) to speak into their lives, singles – who need community, single parents, elderly/widows who need someone to care (e.g. shut ins)

To function as family means we care for each other. We are family. So many times I have found that when you take the time to invest in others, that comes back as people invest in you and kids. (e.g. Bill and Pat, Steve and Karen all I have their own families)

Families loved God in community.

Scripture Acts 16: Ancient households worshipped together. They didn’t have church buildings. For the most part, worship took place within the household. Families would worship together.

Everyone (individuals and families) was under the authority of the head of the household. The head of the house determined who you were worshipping. There may have been a special room dedicated to worship. So you may have an entire household determine they are going to trust God and be baptized. We don’t have any way of knowing the extent which all members of the household understood the faith they were embracing.

One of the most difficult things about parenting sometimes is the concern for where your kids are spiritually. There is no magical formula or instructional booklet. You can do everything perfect, but still worry about your child spiritually. Being intentional about surrounding yourself and your kids with spiritual mentors is very important. There is also an element of embracing your faith as a family – where parents as heads of the household say, “This is who we are and how we live. We are going to celebrate together and live this out.” You live that and have conversations about it.

*Baby dedications – parents choose to say this is our desire to lead our kids into a relationship with God – to love God and to love others. We as church are family in support of these parents – spiritual big brothers, sisters, aunts/uncles, grandparents. (Deuteronomy 6:1-9)

Family is so important in the faith development of kids. The decision these parents are making today is very important.

Lutheran Study: The number one factor influencing the faith development of kids was that faith was integrated in family identity and practice. The role of parents is so important in the development of faith.

Search Institute found four family practices to help young people grow in their faith (The Family Friendly Church by Ben Freudenburg): Talking about faith with mom, talking about faith with dad, having family devotions or prayer together, doing projects together to help other people

Less than 1/3 of students report that any of the above activities happen regularly. If parents didn’t experience this growing up, how do they help their kids to experience this? It is easier to drop a kid off at church and expect or hope the church will take care of the spiritual faith development of their kids.

Even in my own home, I have realized I must be intentional about having spiritual conversations with my own kids. You can’t just expect spiritual conversations to happen, and please don’t rely on the church to do that for you.

Illustration: string, one hour a week at church versus 168 hours/7 days at home and other areas (some cases 2 hours)

We desire to do something different. We desire to partner with families. It is not about a program. It is about how can the church and parents work together to build into the spiritual lives of kids and teenagers. It is about us being family and building into each other’s lives.

Examples - Pictures:

• Test Drive – last fall with the purpose of helping you to know what your kids are being taught, know the people working with your kids, see where we are going – so important so that you can have conversation with your children.
• Merge – table leaders even different ages and stages, families together, celebration for all ages – see people worshiping, taught Stories of Scripture, ideas for home.
• Handout for 8:30 AM service - resource
• Stories in the Home – workshop on March 12 with different stations to help parents learn what they can do at home to make Scripture come alive and to make faith meaningful.
• Parental Guidance Workshop – parenting workshop
• Website/resource: www.tyfi.org (Taking Faith Home)
• Baptism and baby dedications – we are family.

Families loved others in community.

Scripture in Acts 16: When you study these ancient households, you find that loving others was a natural response that comes with loving God. These families shared meals with other and served others.

16:34 – Even in Acts we find that the jailer shared a meal and they celebrated right after they put their trust in God. In the OT and NT you find that it say that righteousness is loving others, caring for others, being family to others like the orphan and widows, to people who needed family, whose very survival depended on it.

Lutheran Study: It is interesting that in the Lutheran study that we mentioned earlier, when it came to kids who owned their faith, they were given opportunities for service together.

Families serve together in ministry:

teens serving in video, kid’s area, and parents serving in other areas. Attend one service and serve during another. There are teens who are building into the lives of infants by helping in nursery and kid city.

Families care for their neighbors.

• Made cookies at Christmas and gave to neighbor behind us.
• Snow – shoveled driveways, 2 and 4 year old with shovels – neighbors don’t always know. Neighbor next to us lost his wife a few months ago. He asked me and Brendon if we had done that. It was a great time for us to talk about it later.

Conversations: I don’t tell him that we do this because those people need God and we need to tell them or because those people are poor and in need. We do this because of who we are – we love God and we love others. That is who we are as Christ followers. That is why we care and serve. And it just so happens that sometimes when we care we are able to share our story of how much God loves us and the difference He has made in our lives. (Optional: pictures of caring in community and kids playing with kids in community)

• Trunk or Treat – families serving together, see other families, play with neighbor kids, talk with parents in community
• Light Up a Life – wrapping, caroling – families wrapping gifts, talking about why serve, caroling
• Fire Safety – took my son along, helping and serving people
• Easter Egg Hunt – three locations, opportunity to serve with your family and to meet our neighbors.

We must be intentional about serving and have conversations about why you serve, care, and love others – about how we treat others.

Family is bigger than you think. We are family. We must be intentional about functioning as family.

Song: We are family.

Send Out

Action: I encourage you to be family. Connect with other families, share a meal with another couple, maybe a younger couple. Mentor someone. Serve in our kid’s ministry or teen ministry. If you are looking to do any of those things or you would like to be a part of a small group please stop by our next step room or complete a connection card. Talk to William Gee, our small group pastor or John Ballenger, our family pastor.

Picture of everyone on big screen – this is your family. This is our family portrait. We are family. Who is building into your life? Who is building into the lives of your kids? Who are you building into? Go and be family.

Resource:

The Family Friendly Church by Ben Freudenburg and Rick Lawrence

Family Ministry: A Comprehensive Guide by Diana R. Garland

Taking Faith Home (www.tyfi.org): Website Resource for Families

Luther Seminary Study: see http://www.exemplarym.com/docs.htm to download the full “Exemplar Youth Ministry Full Proposal.”