A church in Florida had been having monthly family events for the whole community in an effort to reach new people. They were having a problem, however, with some parents dropping off children but not coming themselves. To combat this problem, they issued the following announcement: "'The Magic of Lassie,' a film for the whole family, will be shown Sunday at 5 P.M. in the church hall. Free puppies will be given to all children not accompanied by parents."
The purpose of this series has been to keep you involved in your kid’s lives.
Last week we started the conclusion of this message and the series on parenting. I gave you the first two of five takeaways that are important to remember as you raise and influence children.
1. Teach Them to Suffer Well
2. Teach Them to Work “Unto the Lord”
By way of review, last week I talked about teaching your kids to suffer and to embrace a theology of suffering. We also looked at the concept that we should teach our children to work as unto the Lord. There is a theology of work that we should live out in our everyday lives and teach our kids as well. Everything we do is for an audience of one.
Today I want to conclude this series with three more things that are critical for you to get into the heads and hearts of your children. Let’s look at the first one or number three.
3. Teach Them to Manage Their Lives Wisely (Wealth)
A Theology of Stewardship:
a. God owns everything.
The culture our kids our growing up in doesn’t act as if that is true. Even among Christians, the perspective is that you give God 10 percent and do whatever you want with the remaining 90 percent. According to the Bible we really own nothing.
b. God has entrusted to us “things” to manage for Him. (time, talent, treasure)
In I Corinthians 4:7, the writer asks a question: “What do you have that you did not receive?” The answer for all of us is, “nothing.” We need to teach our children that everything we have is a gift from God and really belongs to Him. We are the stewards or managers of what He had given us.
c. God expects a positive return on His investment.
Our children need to understand that they our accountable to God for what they do with their resources. I am not talking about just money. I am talking about the brains, their talents, the interests and their personality. God expects a positive return on what He has give you.
d. God will hold you accountable.
e. God wants you to share in His joy.
We are to share in God’s joy. This comes from the very beginning of the Bible. It’s a principle of living that we need to understand and our kids need to understand if you don’t want your kids to grow up thinking that life is all about what you have and how much you can get. The greater joy and fulfillment in life comes from being what God intended and doing what He intended with your resources. He wants us to partner with Him in life.
Old Testament Roots – “26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings[b] in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 27 So God created human beings[c] in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” Genesis 1:26-28
New Testament Command – The Parable of the talents. “Enter into the joy of your master.” (Matthew 25:14-30)
This is not a God who is standing with His arms folded and with a deep voice saying, “I gave all this to you and you had better do good with it.” We serve a God who longs to be in relationship with us and partner with us. What a healthy outlook to give our kids. We are designed to be His partners on this earth.
Listen, this should shape us and our kids in how we treat the earth we live on, how we take care of those we live with. We are partners with the Creator!
This is a very different message than your kids our getting from society. This is not the language of “my things, my time, my money, and my skills.”
Application: Help your child to become faithful in the “little things” – Luke 16:10
Sadly your kids will not get this from attending the average church in America or watching the average church attendee in America. Many church goers believe that they own their own stuff, their time and their abilities. We talk about, “my house, my car, my 401k, my time. . .etc. Everything you and I have has been given to us by God. What we have is on loan to us.
Did you know that the average believer attending church in America gives roughly 2.4 percent of his or her income to the Lord’s work? Your children need to see a commitment to giving in you. They need to see how you handle your stuff. They need to know that the Bible says, “Where your heart is that is where you treasure will be.”
God doesn’t need your money but He does need our devotion and worship and we do that with our lives and everything we have.
I have had a lot of funerals and in every case both the rich and the poor leave everything behind when they die. I’ve stood by cardboard caskets and I have stood by very expensive caskets but they all contain the same thing. (usually if you do have something valuable the family has it taken from you right before they close the lid!) Teach your kids to give and they will find a way to partner with God in their short time on this earth. Teach your kids, giving, savings and spending. (three jars and ten dimes. Teach them to plan ahead.
Life Myth: Everything you have in life is yours to use as you see fit.
Life Message: You Are Not in Control! You are the creature and God is the Creator.
4. Teach Them to Make Wise Decisions
A Theology of Holiness: The target is for our kids to grow up and be holy.
a. God is high, holy, “totally other.”
Our kids must have a right view of who God is. He is holy and He is above all in He is all. He is holiness. He is not human but just a hundred times better. He is totally ‘other.’ We were made in His image. Our children will never be holy unless they have a right view and concept of God.
b. God is absolute truth.
He doesn’t define truth, He is truth. That means that whatever comes from God is truth. There are some things that are right and wrong. We are living right now in a weird time in much of the church world. There are people right now who are writing books and leading a whole generation away from any absolute truth. Everything is relative to the times we live in and you should never act as if you know anything to be sure. IF that were true than every martyr has died in vain. Just because the culture shifts doesn’t mean that the word of God shifts and changes. It is incredible to me that we have professors and leaders who are teaching that we must redefine and reshape ourselves according to the culture so we can fit in and not look foolish. Are you kidding me? The Bible itself teaches just the opposite. Your chances are pretty good, if you follow God’s word, that you are not going to fit in to well.
c. God’s Word defines absolute truth.
16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. I Timothy 3:16
d. God’s law (morals) are for our protection.
e. God’s ultimate aim is to make us holy.
Our kids might be scared of what it means to be holy. I’m not talking about going to a monastery or wearing strange clothes and looking different than everyone else. That is a sad substitute for holiness. They don’t even have to have a “Praise the Lord” sticker on the bumper of their car. God defines holiness as a joy and a privilege. It is exciting to be fully surrendered to God and to let Him lead us where He wants us to go.
God has some high standards and our kids need to learn them. There are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed: always tell the truth, walk in integrity, no sex outside of marriage, be a good steward, all our actions should fit with God’s character.
Illustration: Just like gravity would be our kids adversary if they jumped off a building so sin and choosing to ignore God’s standard for righteousness will be their adversary if they choose to not follow it. God’s laws are like guard rails on a windy road.
The greatest joy you will ever know comes from understanding and following God’s holiness.
“If your children understand holiness correctly, they will learn to make good decisions not simply out of fear, but out of a positive response to Christ.” Chip Ingram God’s ultimate aim is to make us like Christ.
Old Testament Roots – Exodus 3:5-6 (Moses taking off his shoes before the burning bush.) Isaiah heard the angels singing, “Holy holy, holy is the Lord God almighty.”
New Testament Command – “15 But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. 16 For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16
Application: Help your child think Biblically and critically to develop personal convictions and character.
There is a ton of garbage out there and you need to start when they are little helping them understand what is right and wrong. Don’t be afraid to turn the television off. One of the best things my parents did in the long run was raising me without a television. I learned to read. I learned to love reading and reading taught me more than two colleges and two degrees. Reading is still my primary source of development.
Consider doing a media fast. Unplug all the stuff for ten days and you will be amazed at how the filth of even commercials will shock you. We have been so sucked in to the cesspool of our culture that we sit and take in the garbage that is out there and never give it a second thought. I know some of you think this doesn’t have anything to do with you because you are above it but you know what, you put garbage in you get garbage out.
The most important decision you will make everyday is what goes in your children’s minds.
Life Myth: Only you can decide the best, most fulfilling way to live your life.
Life Message: Holy living allows you to experience God’s best for your life.
5. Teach Them to Live Grace-Filled Lives
A Theology of Grace: When all else fails teach them to live grace filled lives.
The bottom line is that every one of us has failed. As parents we will make some really bad decisions even in the midst of trying to do what is right and trying to care. It gets messy. You will fail, sometimes your children will fail and you need to be able to teach them about grace.
a. Grace is the unmerited and unconditional love of God toward us.
God will never love you more than He does right this second. God doesn’t love us “if” or “because.” There is nothing we can do to change His love. Some of you will right away want to know if this means that you can live however you want with no consequences and the answer is no. There will be serious consequences if we don’t follow His ways but it is because He loves us and wants the best for us. The best is always to do things the way our Creator designed to live. This is just a simple truth that is so overlooked by so many people.
b. Grace is free to us, but costly to God.
Your performance doesn’t change God’s love. The person who thinks they get a flat tire because they didn’t read their Bible or have a devotional time is seriously messed up in their theology. Will there be long-term consequence to not connecting with God everyday? Sure because that’s what we were meant to do but God doesn’t go around giving you flat tire or making horrible things happen to you. Our kids need to be taken to the cross time and time again to understand the unconditional love our Jesus Christ.
c. The cross is God’s greatest act of grace.
d. Salvation is a free gift from God.
e. Grace must be received – i.e. faith
f. Grace produces gratitude toward God, and love toward others.
Old Testament Roots – “21 And the LORD God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife.” Genesis 3:21 New Testament Command “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. 10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:8-10;
“13 So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world.” 1 Peter 1:13
Application: Help your child realize that failure is never final with God. He will help you find a way out. God will help you out of whatever hole you dig yourself into.
Show your child how to repent. Show them how to admit that they are wrong. Show them the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow is about getting caught. Godly sorrow is about the breaking of a relationship that is really important. I remember my mother crying while spanking me one time. Why would does/should it hurt a parent to correct a child? If you are doing it out of love and not anger, which is a Christ model, you are feeling the sense of broken relationship that disobedience will produce. Does it change your love for them? It shouldn’t but there will be pain and hurt and so it is with our relationship with Christ.
Life Myth: Failure is Final
Life Message: You Are Not that Important.
Your greatest goal is to raise you boy and girl to grow up to be godly young men and women. It will not be easy. Some days you will feel like quitting.
Three ladies were exercising pride in their grown sons. The first lady told of the extravagant birthday parties her son provided her. “Why he even hired a full band for my last birthday.” The second lady bragged about how her son gave such lavish vacations. “Just last month he sent me to Hawaii for the fourth time.” The third woman was not to be outdone and she piped up, “That’s nothing. My son has been paying a psychiatrist $150 a week for the last three years just so he can talk about me.” Sermon Notes & Illustrations, Oct. 1995
Diana Allen nicely sums up the sentiment of many mothers in a poem called "I Quit." After explaining the hardships of parenthood, she concludes, "There will be days when I’ll still hunt through the yellow pages for the number for the Mother’s Resignation Hotline ... or my heart will feel as though it has been shattered into a thousand pieces. One thing is sure, however: I have to hang on, to stand firm, to fight the good fight. The souls of my children and the quality of the lives they live here on earth is at stake--and so is their eternity. My children are too precious for me to do anything but persevere."
Prayer
This series was developed from the series and book entitiled Raising Effective Kids in a Defective World by Chip Ingrim.