Sermon Reources available here...

                      

Sermon Reources available here...

                      

Kids Matter: Window of Opportunity

In a matter of forty years we went from “Leave It to Beaver” to “Bevis & Butthead.” Society and the culture are changing around us at a breathtaking and alarming rate.

It is a fact that parenting is an ever-changing challenge. It is more difficult than ever before. There was a time when you got in trouble in school it was for something like throwing a spitball or chewing gum. I got paddled in eighth grade for marking on a girls arm during an assembly with a pen. Of course the teacher told me not to do it again and I did it anyway.

Do you realize that today your child can make one wrong decision and wind up with HIV/Aids? One wrong decision can lead to a party that may include drugs, alcohol, date rape or any number of things that have become a part of too much of our culture. The stakes have never been higher. Our kids are being raised in a world that is violent, it is fearful, it is uncertain. It is filled with moral chaos and the fear of what will happen if he or she doesn’t go along with this or that.

Whether you like it or not we live in a defective and broken world. If you don’t believe that, you might want to take the next four weeks off! If you believe that, you should be doing everything you can to address the needs of your children, the children in this church and the children in our community.

If you were to fall asleep forty years ago watching TV and what was portrayed as a normal family and woke up today and watched what is being portrayed as a normal family you would not recognize it. In many cases, kids don’t have a clue what a family is supposed to look like.

We have gone from Ozzie and Harriet to Ozzie Osborne and his dysfunctional family. Think with me about the message of ninety percent of the so called reality TV shows. From Real Life on MTV, to Hugh Hefner and his three live in girlfriends to former KISS guitarist Gene Simmons and his family. Who thought it was a good idea to watch the disaster of Jessica Simpson and the destruction of her marriage. Better yet who even paused and pointed out that marriage doesn’t have to end like this. Kids are growing up today and don’t have a clue what a normal family is supposed to look like. I am afraid there are also a lot of parent that don’t understand it either.

For the next four weeks we are going to talk about what it takes to raise children who will grow up to love God with all their soul mind and strength and their neighbor as themselves. We are going to talk about how to navigate our children through the land mines of change, moral relativism, of information overload, drugs, alcohol and sexual immorality.

The question that most of us want to know is how can I be an effective parent in a defective world? Is it possible for me to guide or navigate my kids or my grandkids or the kid in this church through this mess we call our culture? Is it possible for a kid to grow up and be a Christ follower? Absolutely! Today we are going to look at the over arching principles for positive parenting. Here’s why this series is important for everyone in this room. Our whole approach as a church is to raising kids is that we all accept the responsibility of helping to raise the children of this church. You may not have kids of your own or they might be grown up but if you are a part of this church body we challenge you to step up and be counted in making a difference in a child’s life. It takes at least six authentic Christ following adults in a child’s life for them to retain their faith past their eighteenth birthday.

The Bible is filled with stories of vile cultures, maybe even some worse than what we are facing right now yet there are always kids who responded to God’s call in their lives. From a young shepherd named David, three Hebrew children who withstood a fiery furnace to a young teen named Mary who stood and obeyed God’s wishes to bring Christ into this world; God has always found a way to use kids.

Will we fail as parents sometimes? You better believe it. There will be times when you may cry and hurt inside because there just seems to be no answer. You may at times wonder how you are going to make it through this thing called parenting. You may sit and cry out of frustration at knowing what to say or do to communicate with your teenager. You may need to lock yourself in the bedroom to keep from saying or doing something stupid because you are being tried at the very core of your existence and you feel so frustrated at not knowing how to do this right. Parenting is hard work. There are times when you will think it is impossible. Today we are going to build a framework for what we are going to do in the next four weeks.

4 Principles for Positive Parenting

1. Positive parenting begins with positive clear-cut objectives.

On your notes draw a picture of a target and think in terms of hitting it. To parent effectively you must have an idea of what it is you think is important and what values you want to build into your kids. What are you trying to produce? What are you trying to accomplish?

Fathers, don’t overcorrect your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline. Ephesians 6:4 (Phillips)

This is a basic principle of understanding that there are some things that are not right or wrong they are really a matter of preference. Don’t try to win every little battle just make sure you win the war. Don’t over correct your kids. Circle the phrase, Bring them up is a great Greek word for nurturing and rearing and developing your children physically. Later it came to mean total development of a child. Paul gives us the tools: Christian teaching and Christian discipline.

  • The Principle of Focus

    What is the target? I believe that most parents and grandparents are parenting out of fear rather than focus. We look at the culture and say, “I don’t want them to do this or I don’t want them to do that.” And we smother them with rules or try to somehow fearfully hide them away from the evil that abounds all around us. What God wants us to do is have focus for our children. Sometimes a good offence is a best defense. When you know where you want to go with your kids you won’t spend all your time trying to protect them from things you will intentionally lead them to something that is better and more productive in their lives.

    God’s Dream vs. The American Dream for Your Child:

    We have been inundated with the idea that above all else your kid should be happy. We have bought into the McDonald’s view of the world that “you deserve a break today!” Kids have bought into it. Forty percent of all meals sold at McDonalds are happy meals! The world’s message to you is that your kids have to have the right clothes all the time, they have to be in every sport known to mankind, they have to have every waking moment filled with something to entertain them. They have to have the latest greatest newest whatever it is because your goal is to make sure that your kids are happy! You will make sure that they never have a bad day. The American dream is that our kids will be smarter, better looking, go further in education, have more money, have great social skills, be better in athletics and somehow we have bought into this whole worldly concept hook line and sinker! That is a dead end street.

    God’s plan by contrast is not that your kids be happy but that they are holy! It’s not that God doesn’t want you kids to experience happiness but if your goal is to lead them to holiness and righteous living they will experience something far better than the fickleness of happiness. They will come to know true joy.

    Romans 8:29: We all know that God works all things together but in verse 29 it says that the goal is so that we will conform to the image of the Son. Right on your target the word Jesus. Our goal is that our kids will be like Jesus. I am not talking about having Jesus haircuts or wearing clothes like you wore when you were their age. It is not about externals. It is about teaching your kids to be kind like Jesus, to be compassionate like Jesus to show mercy, to care about the poor and downtrodden, to be forgiving and loving. To be holy and pure like Jesus and to others centered. This is about asking God to let you partner with Him to allow you child to grow up to reflect the values of Jesus Christ.

    Your kids may grow up and go to Harvard or they might not even go to college. They might have more letters behind their name or they might have not letters behind their name. They might be really good at sports or ballet or they might not even like sports even though you are a great athlete. You see all those things blur the real goal. Once you know the real goal of helping your child to know God and be like Him it will recalibrate your schedule. It will reorder your priorities.

    2. Positive parenting demands we practice what we preach.

    The apostle Paul was a spiritual parent to the church at Corinth and he wrote these words:

    “I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children. Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me.” 1 Corinthians 4:14-16 (NIV)

    He is saying there is a way to help baby Christians grow up to act, think and live out their lives like Christ. He loves them even when he needs to get on them about something. He is saying imitate me. Love like I love, give like I give, be holy like I am holy.
  • The Principle of Modeling

    As parents we cannot impart to others what we don’t possess. We sometimes worry about cramming our schedule full of things for our kids but do you know what you need to give them the most? Who you are. This is scary, are you ready for it? They are going to be a lot like you. You need to be what you want them to become. The greatest energy you spend should be on being like Christ yourself! This may be the most profound statement in this message. Your kids are going to “catch it.”

    “More Is Caught Than Taught”

    Your kids will not do what you say they will do what you do! Social psychologist, Albert Bandura did tons of research in psychology and modeling. This is what he found out: The best and most powerful educational tool on the planet is not a book, a speech, a video, a program, a seminar or an online training module. It’s modeling. It is providing a consistent observable pattern of behavior. The most important teacher your child will ever have is the person sitting in your seat.

    Think about lining all your kids up on the couch today and saying this to them. You see how I handle my money? Handle you money that way. Do you see how I handle my anger? Handle you anger that way. Do you see how I drive? Drive that way. Do you see what I eat and drink? Do that. Do you see how I balance work and rest? Imitate me. Do you see what I watch on TV and what I don’t watch? Turn off what I turn off. Do you see how I forgive others? Forgive like that. Would you feel comfortable doing that? You are doing it everyday! You kids and the kids you influence are going to grow up to be just like you! What are you modeling?

    Let’s just pause a few moments. Parents and adults listen for just a moment and let God speak this into your hearts. Would you want your kids to turn out like you? Could you honestly say live the way I’m living? Read your bible the way I read it. Pray at the depth and level I pray. Be as generous and as kind and open with others as I am. You know what’s going to happen? They are going to be just like you and me. Love covers a multitude of sins. You may feel like you have blown it and maybe sometimes you do but if you can get down on their level and ask forgiveness and show them love they will come to understand that you are genuine and you are real in your love for them and for God. This is not about being perfect parents it is about being real and authentic and growing.

    What part of how you’re living needs to change so that your kids don’t do what you are doing right now in your life? Could we just take a moment to lean back in our seats and talk to God silently but earnestly? Tell Him what you want to change. Ask God to show you what you need to deal with and work on.

    You must get clear on the target: Holiness and Christ likeness

    You must practice what you preach. Be what you want them to become. There needs to be a teacher and that is not the church it is you.

    3. Positive parents build relationships that bond.

    This is about connecting. There must be an environment created of love and relationship. Paul’s gives another picture of how to parent.

    “...but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 (NIV)

    “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory. 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 (NIV)

    These verses describe the maternal and paternal sides of parenting.

    Maternal: we were gentle, loved so much, shared our lives, dear to us

    Paternal: dealt, encouraging, comforting, urging
  • The Principle of Relationship
  • The stronger your relationship with your child the higher the probability they will embrace your values and your beliefs.
  • The weaker your relationship with your child the lesser the probability they will embrace your values and your beliefs.

    You do not have the power as a parent to be perfect parents. There is going to come a time when your kids are going to be adults and they will make their own decisions. There have been good godly church families that have done most everything right but still they wind up with kids who go off the deep end somewhere and there have been kids who come out of the worst situation you can imagine in their homes yet they have found Christ and they go and do something significant for Him.
  • Tension and stress and difficulties are normal.

    Use diagram: The greatest thing you can do is to build a relational bridge that will never wavier when you kid makes the worst decisions possible. There should be nothing that you kids do that will affect your love for them. You also need to live by the rule that while they are living in your house they will not have their own selfish way. You are creating boundaries of love. It’s like guardrails on the highway. How do you do this?

    8 “Keys” That Build Relationships That Bond:
    1. Unconditional love
    2. Schedule time (Get your kids on the calendar)
    3. Focused attention
    4. Shared experiences (eye contact)
    5. Ongoing communication
      1. Eat together: (Youth sports) We are really out of whack with some of this. Your family comes before your kids need to run around a field kicking a ball and hearing other parents yell and scream at their kids and referees, to get trophies that no one can find after a year or two anyway. They will remember when they are older the time you took to spend with them in the back yard throwing a ball or doing something with them. I am not against sports but I do believe that we have lost our ability to be reasonable about it. Which is more important to you church or sports? Remember they are going to do what you do. They are going to model what you have modeled for them.
      2. Bond at bedtime
      3. Planned shared experiences
    6. Meaningful touching Kids want to wrestle because they want to touch you
    7. Have fun together Do you know that you can control your television? Turn it off.
    8. Pray together
    4. Positive parenting requires and constant repair and ongoing maintenance

    You will never get it perfect. What works today may not work tomorrow. Life is messy and it will not always work out everyday the way it should.

    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9 (NIV)

    God would remind us that He is working with us. He would remind us today that He wants to partner with us. If we hang in there and hold true to our convictions and love like He loves it will be okay.
  • The Principle of Process

    4 Magic Words = I’m sorry: please forgive me!

    It’s never too late! God is working. Wherever you are as a parent –even if your kids are grown and you realize how much you could have done differently – there’s hope. You may think today that you have really blown it, but God can take any mess in your life and turn in around. We talk a lot here about transformational relationships. The ultimate transformational relationship is the one you have with God. As you walk close to Him your life will be more and more a reflection of His love, His kindness, His compassion and your kids or those kids you have a chance to influence will want to be like you. They will see it.

    There is a story of an attractive African woman on the slave block in the American south. For obvious reasons, bidding was intense. Finally she was turned over to the man who bought her, certain she was going to be used, abused, & discarded. As they walked away from the slave block, the man said to her, “You are free.”

    Defiantly, she asked, “What does that mean?”
    He answered, “That means you are free.”
    “You mean, I’m free to say whatever I want to say?”
    “Yes.”
    “I’m free to go wherever I want to go?”
    “Yes.”
    Bursting into tears, she cried, “I guess then, I will go with you.”

    Don’t you long to hear our children say, “I think I will go where you go. I think I will follow your Lord. I think I will marry a Christian. I think I will teach my children the way you taught me."

    Prayer

    This series was developed from the series and book entitiled Raising Effective Kids in a Defective World by Chip Ingrim.



  • 2007/06/03